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Beauty Up My Life

Thursday, December 01, 2005


Frustration. Where do I vent it out? I have no idea. Talking to people does seem to cure it a bit, but it doesn't really last that long. I write everything here. Whatever that I feel. It helps eases the pain, only just a little. But it's better than nothing I guess. I really want to keep the friendship, but I don't know what else should I really do other than just apologizing. It's difficult. It's suffocating. It's tiring. It's painful. I don't know where have I gone wrong or whatever is it anymore. No one told me anything until things happen. I was kept in the dark. I was supposed to know everything. Am I a genius or what? I don't know. I have doubts in myself. Why am I working that hard? Why am I so unhappy? Why am I feeling so guilty? Why are there so many negative feelings inside me that's waiting to be burst out? I feel like crying every minute when I recall back what a friend has told me. Is it really what my friend told me is true? Or part of it is true? Or none of it is true? Or is it people see me the way that they shouldn't be seeing? I don't know any of these anymore. Running away isn't the choice that I really want. I don't want to take all the blame when I am not sure where have I done wrong. I want to be sure of things. I want to clarify things. But how? I really have no idea. People say do some talking to those who are involve. I guess so. But how far can it help me? Or how much can it destroy me? I have really, really no idea anymore. They say I analyze too much, worry too much and think too much. Some say it's good, some say it's bad. I don't know. I want to have friends, friends that are true. But, I guess I won't get them. Not here.


cyc said...

u muz strong to face this problem cuz i think everybody did faced this problem before.Sometime we dont know went we hurt them but the true thing is we hurt them already.Although we apologize but they seems don want to forgive us.My suggestion is be patient n strong,give them time to release their anger.Apologize as much as you can if you really cherish this friendship.Time will cure your friendship.Good luck to you.

plue-chan said...

thanks for the support. i really appreciate it. but, still, i still feel really bad about what has happen. and things, well, it just shocked me to know what kind of impression that my so called "friends" have about me. there wasn't any sign, or maybe there was, but i refuse to acknowledge it and just dismiss it as my own sensitivity... but in the end, things are like what i have predicted. sad day for me... or should i say, a sad week for me~

Anonymous said...

well... will u be happy now to know the "impression" that ur friend told u or rather be happy to keep u in the dark all these while. Anyway, it already happened. Sometimes we may hurt our frens too deeply that they still couldn't overcome it. As cyc said... time will heal. Show them u're sincere and cherish the friendship. The rest is up to them. Human behaviors are so different and that's y everyone is unique ;) It is just part and parcel of life.