drained. to the core.
not sure what am i feeling.
maybe just numbness.
it saddens me when i have put in my best effort, i get shit all the time.
and others who doesn't even deserve what they have, they get everything.
i know life's not fair. i know, i don't need you to tell me twice.
but really, since when the equation hard work = rewards is true?
the equation has failed me so many times i am just lost for words.
sometimes i just gulp everything down and tell myself not to cry because there's hope. don't lose hope, you'll be ok.
but really, i think i don't even have tears now. all dry now. like sahara desert.
i lost hope and faith in almost everything. i don't even find shopping is fun anymore. i don't find dramas/ animes as amusing anymore. i don't want to play any music or listen to any music as it irritates the hell outta me. even if it's by my favourite CN Blue. Sorry oppa, but I think I am having withdrawal symptoms. Especially towards you.
i don't even know why am i so bothered about what i feel right now. because i shouldn't be. i should just be like everyone, put on a false front, pretend everything's ok everyone's friends with everyone and the whole world is like a merry go round, happy and gay.
i told myself not to care, yet i think i still do. and very much so.
am not sure again what i really want. i really hate thinking. i really hate you two face people. i really hate it when you judge me. i really hate it when you show that you are high and mighty when you said we are all on the same ground. why do you keep bullshitting everyday? aren't you tired of it?
really, why is it so hard for me, to allow a world like this to be around? Why must it be so hard for me to accept it? Sometimes I feel like i am born in the wrong world. I couldn't adapt myself to it, after so many years, and I doubt I could ever do so ever.
sometimes i'd think to myself, am i even mentally sane?